i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
