Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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