if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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