she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
