my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
