We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize