Sry I called you an 8
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
