3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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