Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
