dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
