peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
