a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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