i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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