the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize