plz talk dirty to me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
one might say we're banned from that church
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
