Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
