No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
