Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
