dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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