Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
