We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
