Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
