Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
