i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
