he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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