I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
