Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
