the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
