There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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