fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
