How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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