Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
