I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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