She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
