we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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