oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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