There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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