She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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