god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
