Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize