Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
