If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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