I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
