Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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