My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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