i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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