I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
now i know why i became what i already was.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
