so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
