Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
