I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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