once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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