Screwed.edu
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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