i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
