i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
