I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
