dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And then my night got REAL pukey
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
