Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
