How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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