so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
