I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
