i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i drank out of a bidet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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