You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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