loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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