Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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