I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
