I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
