we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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