So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize