if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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