nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My balls are so social today.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
