did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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