Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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