life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
