Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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