hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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